GOOD ENOUGH PARENTING

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  Core Emotional Need Of Healthy Autonomy  
 
 

Ecclesiastes 9:10
Whatever your hand finds to do, do it with all your might, for in the grave, where you are going, there is neither working nor planning nor knowledge nor wisdom.

Whatever your hands finds to do, very much, do it with all your heart and might. Here, the encouragement is about expressing your best self in what you find as your passion or that suits you or fits you.

It is not that some one forces you or controls you to do. The best motivation is from within you... as you choose to do something..... that way you would excel.

The children need that similar encouragement... to pursue something as their passion to bring value in the society or picking things that they can excel - taking up a meaningful personal challenge working for the betterment of the society.

The core emotional need of Healthy Autonomy and performance can be defined as helping our children develop their own personalities, abilities and self confidence as they grow into separately functioning healthy adults. The need for autonomy is the need to be self determined and to have a choice in the initiation, maintenance and regulation of activity.

Any occurence which undermines children's feeling of autonomy and leaves them feeling controlled would decrease their inner, intrinsic motivation. Inner motivation is what children feel when they desire to do something out of passion or personal interest. Children feel very satisfied when they are able to do certain things themselves.

Each victory and new skill adds to their overall self esteem and their intrinsic motivation. The more they accomplish by themselves the more confident they will feel and so a sense of competence will grow within the child. The last must meet the optimal challenge which means that one does not need to be the best or get an "A", but need only to take on a meaningful personal challenge and give it one's best.

Today's Practical

Do you let your kids to take up any meaningful personal challenge and expect them to give their best?

Do you think you have given the kids the healthy autonomy to make their choices and preferences in life or do they feel forced to do things in their life?

Couples can discuss this among themselves or check who the kids if you are comfortable to do so.