GOOD ENOUGH PARENTING

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  Accept Childs Feeling Not Necessarily Their Behaviour  
 
 

Colossians 3:12-17
12 Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.
13 Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.
14 And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.
15 Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful.
16 Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom, and as you sing psalms, hymns and spiritual songs with gratitude in your hearts to God.
17 And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.


Feel for others (Mainly your kids) as these verses characterise.

Matthew 7:12
So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets.

This verse teaches the golden rule of do to others what you would have them do to you in everything. The least of sometimes the most we want from others is that we should be understood properly.

For this to happen we want others to give us a patient hearing and emphathise with our feelings, we through others may not agree or accept with the choices of our behaviour.

So let us do the same for others... the empathy and validation of feelings. This principle applies to handling the feelings of our children as well.

For many parents this is confusing. They think that the two are one and the same thing, but they are acutally different. We connect with our kids when we empathise with their ups and down.

However, this does not mean that we will always agree with the behaviour that may have accompanied their feelings. For example, a child may feel sad when left out of a game between his siblings and respond by throwing temper tantrum.

We need to separate the feelings from the behaviour. As parents we need to process the feelings of rejection and empathise with our child but after that is done, we need to then voice our disapproval of his behaviour (not him or his feelings... they both are accepted) and if necessary apply an appropriate consequence for his unacceptable behaviour.

We need to communicate that there are some behaviours that are acceptable and then there are some that are not. Learn this key question, "How to talk so kids will listen and How to listen so Kids will talk".

Today's Practical

Memorise this statement to Say to your child daily.

"I care about how you feel and I want to treat your feelings with respect".

Write one thing YOU (not your children) can change that would make your kids to connect with you on feeling, emotional level.