GOOD ENOUGH PARENTING

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  Exasperation Interaction - Belittling  
 
 

As parents we might have observed that there are specific interactions that seem to always cause exasperation in children.

This exasperation in children eventually leads to children experiencing frustration of core emotional needs (their core emotional needs repeatedly not being met) and later in adulthood may be remembered as trauma. We call this exasperation interaction.

So, exactly how do we exasperate children. There are eight different exasperation interactions experienced by children mostly from their parents. We will be looking at this in this week. They are Belittling, Controlling, Perfectionist and Conditional Love, Emotionally Inhibiting and Depriving, Punitive, Over Protective, Pessimistic and Overly Permissive. In this lesson, we will talk about BELITTLING

Proverbs 11:12
A man who lacks judgment derides his neighbor, but a man of understanding holds his tongue.

The verse clearly telling us that it is much more prudent to be silent than using belittling others.

Proverbs 12:8
A man is praised according to his wisdom, but men with warped minds are despised.

We need to be aware that our words are having power to cut and cause bleeding, pain, trauma in someone's heart and mind and it also has power to bring healing. It is our choice how we use the words wisely to be healing or unwisely that create wounds in the hearts of our children.

Belittling means to consider or speak of our children as less valuable and less important, make them to feel small than they really are. It is an interaction in which children feel a put down. Children feel belittled when parents make fun of their children, call them names, make derogatory remarks about things that are important to their kids or disparage their looks.

Some parents think that humilation is the best way to bring about change in their children. But these things make the children feel belittled. Children's need of connection and acceptance will not be met.

They develop a negative view of themselves such as feeling flawed or defective. This Belittling Behaviour of the parents is more connected to parents own childhood issues of deep pain and hurt that were not dealt with properly. They are angry most of the time and have no positive outlook on life.

It is been said that the children are the products of the words spoken to them. Words spoken by people who love them and do not love them. Words spoken by people who Care for them and do not care of them.

Children from the time they are conceived in the mother's womb till the age of 6 or 7, they are constantly taking information from their external environment, which constructs their belief system about themselves and about the way that they need to respond to the people.

As parents the words we speak to them has a long lasting impression in the mindset of the child. So, repeated statements of belittling from parents causes exasperation to the child which eventually leads to blocking of children's core emotional needs from being met.

Today's Practical

Ask each of your kid when do they feel put down by you. Which specific comments of yours make them feel humilated by you.