GOOD ENOUGH PARENTING

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  Exasperation Interaction - Over Controlling  
 
 

Genesis 27:5-13
5 Now Rebekah was listening as Isaac spoke to his son Esau. When Esau left for the open country to hunt game and bring it back,
6 Rebekah said to her son Jacob, "Look, I overheard your father say to your brother Esau,
7 'Bring me some game and prepare me some tasty food to eat, so that I may give you my blessing in the presence of the LORD before I die.'
8 Now, my son, listen carefully and do what I tell you:
9 Go out to the flock and bring me two choice young goats, so I can prepare some tasty food for your father, just the way he likes it.
10 Then take it to your father to eat, so that he may give you his blessing before he dies."
11 Jacob said to Rebekah his mother, "But my brother Esau is a hairy man, and I'm a man with smooth skin.
12 What if my father touches me? I would appear to be tricking him and would bring down a curse on myself rather than a blessing."
13 His mother said to him, "My son, let the curse fall on me. Just do what I say; go and get them for me."


Rebekah did not give Jacob any rook for his own preferences and choices. Look also at the similarity of her words in Genesis 27:13 and in Genesis 27:43.

Genesis 27:43
Now then, my son, do what I say: Flee at once to my brother Laban in Haran.

How did Rebekah come across to Jacob. Do what I say? Rebekah was more than just a little controlling of Jacob. He had to follow his mother's wishes. From the way she spoke to him there was not much of a discussion. She was so direct and simply told Jacob what to do.

Jacob did not put up much resistance, why? From a young age he was subject to his strong monther's will. He complied but in heart he might have felt rotten. He probably knew that cheating his brother's birthright was wrong, but with a strong controlling mother's voice in head, it eventually became part of his own inclination.

In fact if he had not left home but had gotten married nearby, there would be a good chance that Jacob would have been closer to his mother than to his wife, which is a recipe for a disastrous marriage.

Like Rebekah, are we living our dreams through our children - basically using our children to fulfill our ego and embitions for our own glory in the society.

Over controlling is another way parents exasperate their children. One of the reason is parents won childhood issue of enmeshment lifetrap. These parents are enmeshed with their children. They will not permit their children to feel differently from them. They will force their children to age inappropriate information from their own personal lives like their own marriage conflicts, their own loneliness.

These type of parents do not let the children express their own feelings but rather dictate how their children should feel and think about the needs of their enmeshed parents all the time. Enmeshed parents would instill a strange kind of loyalty in their children.

Another reason for parents to interact in a very controlling way is because of the fear that their children will make wrong decisions and use bad judgement. Children with such experiences do not feel that they have room to be themselves which creates frustration of their core emotional need.

Today's Practical

How much are you an over controlling parent?

Put a number between 1 to 10 and rate yourself, counter check it with your spouse.

Decide to be nurturing like you would handle a plant by pouring water and nutrients and allowing themselves to grow on their own.