GOOD ENOUGH PARENTING

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  Exasperation Interaction - Perfectionist And Conditional Love  
 
 

Romans 5:6-10
6 You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly.
7 Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous man, though for a good man someone might possibly dare to die.
8 But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.
9 Since we have now been justified by his blood, how much more shall we be saved from God's wrath through him!
10 For if, when we were God's enemies, we were reconciled to him through the death of his Son, how much more, having been reconciled, shall we be saved through his life!


God's love is unconditional love. While we were still sinners, God showed his own love. Even when our actions were like that of God's enemies, God reached out to us through Christ. God's love did not stop when we fell short of his expectation.

So we as parents should watch out for her hearts and not put conditions to show love for our children. Our love for our children should go beyond whether they meet our expectations or not.

Some parents demand perfection from their children and are only satisfied when things go a certain way (and children rarely match these kinds of expectations). These demands put an incredible pressure on the children who become frustrated and sometimes traumatised and their core emotional needs are therefore not met.

Parents who cause this kind of exasperation usually care very much about how they are perceived by others and how they look in the society. Theses parents in their drive to look good care do not care that their children are feeling sad, disappointed or fearful.They are highly competitive parents.

Since they view their children as an extension of themselves - if the children perform well in school they feel they have done well and if children fail they feel it is their failure. They withhold affection and love as a result of their disappointment and it will be shown in their body language and words as well. Life for the child is constantly filled with criticism.

Parents own perceived shame about a certain achievement not being met by children becomes more important than the children's feelings. As a result, children feel unhealthy guilt and shame. Overtime, this becomes a frustrative and traumatic experience and can cause a lot of anxiety and fear for the child.

Child feels loved by parenets only on the condition of perfect performance otherwise love is withheld and rejected. This makes the children feel exasperated.

Today's Practical

Have you had perfectionistic and conditional love approach towards your kid?

Have you been living your life through the kids and not giving them their space to enjoy their childhood?

Kindly talk to your kid and check if they felt that they were treated with that approach consistently?

Make a decision to repent and communicate that to your kid.